I like to think of myself as a "glass half full" character, can't you tell? But maybe it's been more of a diaper half full kind of year.
I think I have spent three years saying, "I am ready for a normal year". It's time to rethink "normal".
As I am dodging the important tasks and avoiding change, I figure is a good time to reflect on what I have learned this year.
I promise, a chunk of this is stolen. I didn't even get it from books I read. I got it from what smarter, wiser tell me about the books they have read. I need those people in my life, and I am very grateful for them.
Maybe as I type these lessons, they will prepare me for the future mission and let go of the past hurt. Maybe as you read them -if you can make it through, they help you, too.
1. Drop the "me" expectations.
Don't get me wrong. Expectations can be healthy, but most of the ones that cause trouble are the ones where I expect people to notice me - what I do, how well I do it, my efforts, etc. It's time to do because of Christ, not because of me, and then I don't have to be disappointed in the lack of positive reinforcement from those around me.
2. Be a team player.
Whether work, family, spouse. . . Part of that means getting rid of those pesky expectations. Stop building your house and work with others to build a community. Your house may not be the first or best one, completed, but there's a greater accomplishment that brings safety, a sense of accomplishment, provides for others, and has a lot more to offer than just my brain cells.
3. Assume positive intent.
Thanks, Brené Brown (and the wonderful people in my life who read her books). I do find that a lot of times, we make assumptions based on our own responses. Chances are, if I don't assume positive intent, I may need to check my own intentions.
4. Pause, Listen, Care.
This is something we've been doing at home. We are trying to avoid "stop!" and instead using the word "pause" to give opportunity for our children to think rather than having them being frustrated at the cease and desist command. Then we remind them to listen before reacting, and then to respond with care. It's good for us as parents to use this, as much as we created it as a tool for our children. (And I didn't steal this one! We got the "pause" suggestion from a counselor and built on it to make it a Witte original.)
5. The journey may be poopy, stupid, ouchie, but that doesn't change who God is and what He is doing.
I think this is pretty self-explanatory, but - man - sometimes every day feels like a crapshoot until the direction of your journey finally changes. It's important to see that the pain of the journey is often the reason you can move in a better direction.
6. Listen to the quiet.
Whether it's the quiet worker who never complains, the quiet and compliant child, the quiet room full of children. . . it's probably time to check and listen. There may be chaos you didn't know was there.
7. Don't give up on the challenging people.
Sometimes you need distance, but don't replace special needs for character. Someone who needs more time, attention, affection is not an inconvenience. We can be the people who make a difference because we put forth the extra effort, or we can be the people who decide those needs reflect negative character traits that cause us to abandon them.
8. Speak the truth. It's kind.
Thanks, again, Brené (and great readers). We're not saving people by beating around the bush when the truth offers freedom (famous dude, Jesus Christ offered up this gem in John 8). A lot of times harboring truth causes us to bottle emotion that should instead be shared in love. Being a person of integrity may leave us vulnerable, but it is kind and important.
9. Life is good.
This world is a bonkers, messy, crazy overwhelming, stressful, poopy, stupid, but - oh my goodness - I have so much goodness in my present and hope for my future. I feel hurt because people mess with and offend the people who are treasures in my life. Funny how the pain can come because of the goodness. It's pretty nasty for the devil to use attacks on the precious to get me to change my focus and let the negative emotion drive my words, interactions, relationships. I am OVER and DONE with that junk.
10. New roads are scary.
"Lord Jesus, lead me now." I thought I was qualified, skilled, and ready for this. But, um, not feeling that right now.
There's a sense of calm in this, though, because I know God has - very clearly - brought me to this place, so it's for Him to show me how to make this work. I just need to pause, listen, and care.
