This Old House

 17 is my favorite number. I think it was middle school when I learned that, in Hebrew, the number 7 often reflects perfection or complete fulfillment. 17 to me represented a flawed person made right and fulfilled in Christ. It didn't hurt that it was the date of my birth, too (and now it's the jersey number of my favorite quarterback. Go Bills!)

17 is also the number of years I have lived in this home. It seems fitting. 

Over 17 years ago, I sold a house in a real estate boom, and could not afford a home closer to the school and church and I was helping to start in Cape Coral. God provided a home in neighboring North Fort Myers - a house that never actually went on the market. It was just sold to me. Because God works that way, but that's a much longer part of the story I will not tell right now.

17 years ago predates meeting my husband. God knew I would need this old house for an immediate family of four after the wedding, a family of five just a year later, and eventually more than enough people to field a baseball game.

This old house has hosted small groups from church, debates, parties, potlucks, family dinners, yard sales, rehearsals, school, injuries, and more.

In this old house, we have celebrated births, marriages, adoptions, and new Christ followers, football games, holidays, and birthdays but mourned miscarriages, deaths, divorces, and loss.  

When I moved here, it was a quiet neighborhood consisting mostly of people who had retired down here when the homes were built. Now our children play with the children of neighboring young families.

I have attended the funerals of two of my neighbors, provided meals when others have passed, written a letter of recommendation for a neighbor moving to a new home, and now get to see the children who were raised in these homes raising children of their own. 

We have changed the floors, furniture, color, layout, and even built a massive "Fort Witte" that seems like an extension of this old house. 

One thing has remained. It was first my prayer, and now our prayer that people would feel the presence of God when they came into this old house. No matter the physical change, the prayer/desire has remained

A stranger recently entered this old house. She told me after a few minutes that she could tell who we were when she came into our home - that we loved deeply and wanted to give more than receive. I told her we had prayed that people would feel God's presence in our home. She said, "That's what it is". 

Wherever we live, our home is a gift, graciously provided by God. This old house has been a wonderful blessing to our family and so many others, filled with memories and love. If I have not had you over for a meal in our home, I am so sorry and want to welcome you to the next home, where our prayer remains the same. We can share some stories about what went down for over 17 years in this old house.

Trying Not to Trip on This Trip

This has been a whirlwind year - Well, that's one word I have used. Other words in my over-sized (but very mature) vocab bag have been tumultuous, crazy, bonkers, exhausting, overwhelming, stressful, and (recently learned) ratchet.

I like to think of myself as a "glass half full" character, can't you tell? But maybe it's been more of a diaper half full kind of year.  

I think I have spent three years saying, "I am ready for a normal year". It's time to rethink "normal". 

As I am dodging the important tasks and avoiding change, I figure is a good time to reflect on what I have learned this year. 

I promise, a chunk of this is stolen. I didn't even get it from books I read. I got it from what smarter, wiser tell me about the books they have read. I need those people in my life, and I am very grateful for them. 

Maybe as I type these lessons, they will prepare me for the future mission and let go of the past hurt. Maybe as you read them -if you can make it through, they help you, too. 

1. Drop the "me" expectations. 

Don't get me wrong. Expectations can be healthy, but most of the ones that cause trouble are the ones where I expect people to notice me - what I do, how well I do it, my efforts, etc. It's time to do because of Christ, not because of me, and then I don't have to be disappointed in the lack of positive reinforcement from those around me.

 

2. Be a team player. 

Whether work, family, spouse. . . Part of that means getting rid of those pesky expectations. Stop building your house and work with others to build a community. Your house may not be the first or best one, completed, but there's a greater accomplishment that brings safety, a sense of accomplishment, provides for others, and has a lot more to offer than just my brain cells.

3. Assume positive intent.

Thanks, Brené Brown (and the wonderful people in my life who read her books). I do find that a lot of times, we make assumptions based on our own responses. Chances are, if I don't assume positive intent, I may need to check my own intentions.

4. Pause, Listen, Care.

This is something we've been doing at home. We are trying to avoid "stop!" and instead using the word "pause" to give opportunity for our children to think rather than having them being frustrated at the cease and desist command. Then we remind them to listen before reacting, and then to respond with care. It's good for us as parents to use this, as much as we created it as a tool for our children. (And I didn't steal this one! We got the "pause" suggestion from a counselor and built on it to make it a Witte original.)

5. The journey may be poopy, stupid, ouchie, but that doesn't change who God is and what He is doing.

I think this is pretty self-explanatory, but - man - sometimes every day feels like a crapshoot until the direction of your journey finally changes. It's important to see that the pain of the journey is often the reason you can move in a better direction. 

6. Listen to the quiet.

Whether it's the quiet worker who never complains, the quiet and compliant child, the quiet room full of children. . . it's probably time to check and listen. There may be chaos you didn't know was there. 

7. Don't give up on the challenging people.

Sometimes you need distance, but don't replace special needs for character. Someone who needs more time, attention, affection is not an inconvenience. We can be the people who make a difference because we put forth the extra effort, or we can be the people who decide those needs reflect negative character traits that cause us to abandon them. 

8. Speak the truth. It's kind.

Thanks, again, Brené (and great readers). We're not  saving people by beating around the bush when the truth offers freedom (famous dude, Jesus Christ offered up this gem in John 8).  A lot of times harboring truth causes us to bottle emotion that should instead be shared in love. Being a person of integrity may leave us vulnerable, but it is kind and important.

9. Life is good.

This world is a bonkers, messy, crazy overwhelming, stressful, poopy, stupid, but - oh my goodness - I have so much goodness in my present and hope for my future. I feel hurt because people mess with and offend the people who are treasures in my life. Funny how the pain can come because of the goodness. It's pretty nasty for the devil to use attacks on the precious to get me to change my focus and let the negative emotion drive my words, interactions, relationships. I am OVER and DONE with that junk.

10. New roads are scary.

"Lord Jesus, lead me now." I thought I was qualified, skilled, and ready for this. But, um, not feeling that right now. 

There's a sense of calm in this, though, because I know God has - very clearly - brought me to this place, so it's for Him to show me how to make this work. I just need to pause, listen, and care.

Respond

Sometimes I wonder how the early church spent hours and days dropping everything to take in more of Jesus.

I am learning. I am learning that life is response and I AM TIRED of responding to so many things.

And that is NOT what life is supposed to be. Life is not supposed to be my response to social media or opinions, to circumstances at home or work or on the road, to mistakes - mine or others, not to the good or bad situations.

My life is meant to be a response to God - most specifically God's love for me that has freed me from death though the sacrifice of Jesus graciously giving his own life to cover my foolishness.

There is nothing more important and it is the ONLY response that will not take from me.

My daily responses to life take my joy, my energy, my time.

My response to Jesus gives me life. I only gain because to live is Christ and to die is gain (Philippians 1:21).

I want to see below the surface. I want to see what God is doing, not only what my children are doing. I want to see what God is doing, not just what the people in church are doing. I want to see what God is doing, not the annoyance or the immediate gratification.

I want my life to be a response to what God is doing.

Even in the church, I think sometimes we do because we are told. In truth,WE ARE FREE and we should have an emotional, physical, ACTIVE response to that freedom.

When I take Communion at church, it is my response to Jesus' sacrifice.

When I tithe financially, I am responding to the overwhelming graciousness of God.

When I email parents and coworkers, it needs to be a response to the God who has given me the job and placed me there.

The decision to be baptized is an response to the gift of salvation/the freedom from death Jesus gave. ("And that water is a picture of baptism, which now saves you, not by removing dirt from your body, but as a response to God from a clean conscience. It is effective because of the resurrection of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 3:21 NLT)

When my perfect, angelic children drive me crazy, I want to respond to the beautiful gift and miracle God has given me in each child.

Making dinner, driving with maniacs, paying bills, grocery shopping, doing laundry all in response to God's generous provision and love for me and my family.

I don't want to respond to selfish or hurtful people based on how tired,  hurt, or annoyed I am. I want to respond because of God's goodness in my life. I want to respond within the realm of His goodness and will.

I need to stop wasting time responding to everything else.

The early church was doing that. They dropped everything to respond to an overwhelming, deep love and sacrifice, and FREEDOM in Jesus.

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires. In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone.
2 Peter 1:3‭-‬7 NLT

How to Disagree

When was the last time you disagreed with someone? Probably today. Disagreements are a part of life and (can be) part of healthy relationships.

Our world is wracked with disagreements, but I don’t think we know how to disagree.
We know how to name call.
We know how to argue.
We know how to judge (not really, though, because judgment means reaching sensible conclusions, and we know more how to be judgmental -- overly critical).

Do we really understand disagreement, though?

I look at marriages, relationships, political establishments, and churches suffering and I believe a lot of that comes from not being able to disagree. Look at what the world tells us -- that tolerance is agreement and getting along. News flash. Tolerance stems from disagreement. It is disagreement with respect. So maybe what we don’t understand is respect. What we need is respectful disagreements.  

I go immediately to social media. There are all sorts of things to disagree with, from politics to parenting. That’s not the only place where this is an issue. It just seems to be the go to for a lot of people. These are the problems I see, though.

1.  Our sources - What happened to primary and secondary sources? We work from sources where we read someone else’s opinion on what they read. If we really care, we need to really take the time to educate ourselves.

2.  Our locations - If an issue is important to you, address it in person. Even a phone call or letter is better than a social media comment.

3.  Our audience - Truth is, a disagreement doesn't need an audience. If you have one, you are probably not disagreeing. You are probably spouting off.

4.  Our impersonal processes - The internet has a sense of anonymity, and we hide behind it. I hate to the tell you (or maybe I don't), but name calling on the internet strikes me as cowardly. (Feel free to disagree.)

5.  Our techniques - A quick comment is not a disagreement. It's a knee-jerk reaction. Too often, we react and look away.

I feel like we can do better. I don't think my blog will change the world, but it is a good reminder for me about how to treat others. I hope it can do the same for others.

So here are my tips on

How to disagree:

1.  Start by realizing you might be wrong. Really. When was the last time you admitted you were wrong?

2.  Educate yourself. If you are in a disagreement with someone, use your ears and eyes to educate yourself. Listen to their perspective. Read and see what they see. Be willing to learn. Disagreements are learning experiences.

3.  Disagree by sharing your opinions on the issue. Way too often we spend more time sharing our opinions of the person. Most of those opinions are our way of venting and expressing anger. They are hurtful and do not have a place in a disagreement. They have a place in a spitting match. We need to stop defining people based on the things we disagree about. Too many times, because someone disagrees with us, we draw conclusions about their humanity and personality.

4.  Along those same lines, stick with statements like, “In my opinion. . .”, “I disagree with that statement.” Stay away from things like, “What an idiot!”, “I can't believe you think that.”, and “You would have to be a fool to believe that.”

5.  Go back to the basics -- those cliché statements that have golden nuggets of truth.
     * Treat others the way you want to be treated.
     * Walk a mile in their shoes.
     * Don't judge a book by its cover.

6.  Be grateful for different opinions. Be grateful everyone doesn't think like you or only like me. Be grateful for diversity.

7.  Understand that not every difference of opinion has to become a disagreement.

If you disagree with me, that’s okay. This isn’t my way of disagreeing with someone and venting through a blog. I think we have a responsibility to train up the next generation as a people who truly know how to demonstrate respect, and don’t lose their humanity because of the lack of direct human interaction. I believe we start through our own example, and I start with me.

Splinters

I have a love/hate relationship with splinters. I hate having them, but I love the way it feels when they finally come out.

It is late, and I should be asleep, but I have some -- possibly cheesy or cliché -- lessons my splinters are teaching me. 

1. Splinters can come in two ways; from healthy or unhealthy decisions. Sometimes the unhealthy decisions are due to someone else, someone not sanding woodwork well or leaving out sharp objects. Sometimes we get splinters because we are not where we should be, be it on the wrong path or in a place where splinters abound.

Sometimes splinters are the result of hard work. I worked in my yard yesterday for several hours and I have a lot of splinters to show for it. Each one almost feels like a badge of honor and the pain reminds me of what I accomplished. My yard is much better off after the work (and so am I, feeling peace as I look at my yard and the assurance that the exercise was a good decision).

2. I had one splinter deeply embedded that finally came out tonight. It was huge and I am so glad it is out! The end of pain brings great appreciation for the painless. The longer the pain or the larger the splinter, the greater the relief, too!

3. Sometimes rushing makes things worse. Our bodies do a masterful job of pushing out infections and inflictors like splinters. I was trying to get a splinter out and broke it in half. Now I have a tiny sliver, much harder to reach but just as painful, stuck in my hand.

4. Splinters are tiny, but their effect is large.

Life hurts sometimes, whether caused by our own poor choices or those of someone else. We end up with ridiculous "splinters" we don't think we should have to deal with. We try to protect ourselves (like wearing gloves while landscaping) and get even more frustrated that thorns work their way in. And they don't just poke us once. They pierce the skin and cozy up for and unwelcome stay.

And then we wait - for the slow release of the splinter. Or we grab the tweezers or needles for some do-it-yourself outpatient surgical splinter removal. Either way, it hurts and tests our patience.

When that splinter is gone, enjoy the painless times. Find joy in the tiny blessings that may only appear to be splinter-sized. Size doesn't matter as much as the effect.

And wear your scars  with a sense of accomplishment. Allow the splinters to grow you, improve you, get you somewhere. The splinters will come, but it matters much more what you do with them.

In a world where things happen as coincidence or by happenstance, "splinters" are just a pain.  But in the  world God has given us, each splinter is an opportunity to trust God more, find joy in the good, rely on God's timing, and put hope in our splinter-free eternity.

Unrated Truth

Prayers wracked

with longing for Your vision;

to see the world as You,

to discern and feel,

to grasp what You know

and I ache.

Be gone from here

to heal and love,

To depart from here in freedom from that which

tears at the flesh of our souls

and eats us

in from out.

And hatred rules

as self comes first

and others sulk in the stupidity of their own.

Surely none know better than You

but think we are You

and know better as self.

The me, the my

the I know most and mostly care what fills

the gaping abyss of the love gone, abandoned

for love of what ruins.

Twisting the soul of whom

in deception and cackles

to bring the the might, 

the maybe release of agony of soul

In disregard of truth of soul. 

Criminal desire destroying youth

and taking what is not his own

and body wracked with loss of child

and memory of holding her inside.

Foolish wealth of no meaning 

driving the mind and separating love.

Fear from what cannot be known

making known destruction.

Words of value little

belittle, wound, then scar

forever remaining to remind 

of worth that is lost.

And I hate the hatred, 

no rule of golden as we despise

And I hurt

I hurt

I hurt

LORD save!

I cannot be where You are not.

The incomplete of distance and lack

of You.

It's You who hopes and loves and saves

and save me from the sheol of what I cannot take.

And as I long to run

and feel no more

the ache of life

I long for life but not from him

or her or them

but You

and hope takes hold

when I see You not

but feel Your strength

buried beneath the layers of self 

and self and self 

as each seeks his own and 

places others beneath

beside

but never before.

But hope

I feel

I long

I need to know,

know You

fill from You.

Take loss and teach,

give reason for wrath

and I loosen the grip on

that which tears

and glimpse joy in the that might be

could be

that will be only from You.

Until I release

Until thoughts relent

Until I grasp You

and soul is devoured by

truth

love

truth

embrace of just compassion

and that which sees beneath the surface of humanity

Until that

and then

be now!

Only You to fill with the vision of hope

to be where You would have me

and fulfillment only in the ethic

of working for You

And work I must

pursuit

in pain

in loss for right,

shirking the gray to exist in its own disdain

for what that matters

not desire alone.

In truth I long.

In hope I live.

In You is all and all is good

and naught for life without

So cling in all

relent in none

for life complete in greatness

of the world's regard of nothing

but Your reality of full and ever strong

and right.

A Heart Poured Out; My Spoken Word Written

Existing
Aimless with thoughts of aim
petty goals of foolish things
Self-fully
Unaware
Aware of Self
Self only
Oblivious to the battle raging
evil
not bad
but depth of hate
sadness
but more
wallowing in pits of sorrow
Longing for freedom
but thinking freedom as independence
freedom for self
freedom for desire
for
full-fill-me
the ment
the moment
the momentum of true fulfilling
existing outside your grasp
beyond what I think
distant to how we feel
Held by a God
THE God
waiting
holding
offering
waiting
the release before you
the filling
the freedom that is truth
rebuking the self
freedom of soul
denying the demons
and
I
am
free
free self from self
while the devil wallows in loss
while he aches and wails
in the misery that is his own
to each his own
mine is love
mine is hope
mine life lived outside of self and thoughts of self
mine is victory
I win
God wins
to be clean
fresh
empty of death
depth of hatred
pits of sadness
destroyed
filled to the full
the momentum of Christ in me
and death only for satan
for minions of the demonic
mine no more
i raise my hands in victory
longing to reach higher
my voice screaming through my fingertips
with victory
reaching with intense longing
with depth of desire for a finish
for my God to release this place
from anguish of self
no more self
but God only
the God who gives
frees
saves
loves more than I will ever need
Fill
me
freely
Free
through the full
the empty of self
and the full of goodness
of God-ness
of grace
the grace I need to be rid of self
rid of the worthless
and full of the greatness that is not mine
Gratitude
Filled.